The Sexuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the Cranium

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent too).

B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are brought in to extremely hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , leading hop over to here to powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, wellness, closeness, and love .

When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They most likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest Learn More as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, states that much of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males particularly in urbane locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

North adds, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow over time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner useful link options by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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